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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25053943">it might take a hundred sleepless nights.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, One Night Stands, Post-Break Up, Smoking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:21:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,596</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25053943</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>to make the memories of you disappear.</p>
<p>[more tags to be added]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Seokmin | DK</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Highly influenced by Lany's thru these tears aka a visual of how the alternate MV would be by the song's vibe by me.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The cold metal countertop makes him even more shivering as if the harshly blowing wind from the air conditioner doesn't make him feel like he should've worn his fluffy navy sweater. It is the first Wednesday in July yet the coffee bar feels like it is in December. Also since it is just the middle of the week, there are not many customers to serve. With both of his palms on the said countertop, he holds most of his upper body's weight with it and ducks his head down, blankly staring at his dull reflection. Mingyu, who shares the same shift with him today, has been spending the last two painful minutes standing in front of Soonyoung and staring at him, probably examining his body language and facial expressions too. Even though everyone knows Soonyoung as someone who literally jumps here and there and whose voice can be heard to the kitchen (which is 2 floors above him), they also know that he's very professional and serious when he's working. Though today, Mingyu doesn't feel like he's showing the said seriousness but rather a heartbreak.</p>
<p>"You know you have been staring at the countertop for two minutes, or even more, and you're clearly shivering," Mingyu says, breaking the painful yet confusing silence in the atmosphere. He peels his back off of the wall and makes a few small steps towards Soonyoung, copying his position.</p>
<p>"What are you doing..." Says Soonyoung. His voice is surprisingly small, and the way he says it sounds like he's asking himself.</p>
<p>"What are <em>you </em>doing? Knowing you, it's really unusual for you to stare at the countertop and doing nothing rather than making something new," since the owner of the coffee bar doesn't limit his employees on creating new variations of drinks to offer, Soonyoung is actually the one who came up with half of the entire variations of drinks on the menu.</p>
<p>"The burnt wound... it still stings," yesterday due to his clumsiness, a small patch of his skin on his palm got splashed by a good amount of hot water, giving him a slight yet painful burn that's going to be a permanent scar. To be frank, Mingyu finds it questionable remembering his palms are both on an ice-cold metal.</p>
<p>After Mingyu lets out a big sigh and is about to say something, descending steps can be heard from the stair, it's no other than today's waiter Jihoon with his handy tray that looks a lot bigger than his palm. He puts the tray right beside Soonyoung and pauses while staring at the mellow dude for a while before looking at Mingyu with a puzzled face. Mingyu simply shrugs his shoulder and lifts his brows.</p>
<p>"Bro, did you forget your caffeine intake of the day or is there anything on your face that makes you utilize that countertop as a mirror?" It is hard to believe that Jihoon isn't spitting fire of a rap lyric since he says it all so fast, but at least it works on making Soonyoung lifts his head up. Though he still has his sight down.</p>
<p>"Mingyu can you please take my position for a while? I'm going to go out for some fresh air, thanks," by fresh air he means for a smoke. At first, he had his hesitations to light up the match and burn the cigarette, remembering it has been eight months since the last time he smoked. He runs his thumb pad on the paper before saying fuck it in his mind and sucks it.</p>
<p>If there was a word that can describe what he's feeling right now, it would probably be messy. After his break-up with Seokmin he keeps on thinking about the day he told him that he's not going to contact the latter anymore. The memory of Seokmin's face turning from the ray of sunshine to rainstorm quickly also haunts him every time and everywhere he goes. He continuously telling himself that this is the best way they have to take before things starting to get even messier, but little does he know things are already at the messiest. Soonyoung is so deep in his thought that he doesn't even realize he already blew his entire cigarette off with a worried Joshua sitting down beside him.</p>
<p>"If you want to end your shift now, it's alright. I can tell Wonwoo to come over to replace your shift," whispers Joshua softly. Even in the dark of the night, Soonyoung can feel the way his eyes twinkle even when the time is inappropriate like this one. At least it gives a sense of hope to Soonyoung.</p>
<p>Soonyoung crushes the last remains of his cigarette on the ground and breathes in, "no, it's alright. I will finish my shift first before going home. Thank you though," he then hugs his knees.</p>
<p>"Even though I don't know exactly what made you lose your shine all of a sudden, but from that cigarette, I can tell it's a heartbreak. I think I'm gonna have to insist on sending you home, Mingyu told me about the wound on your palm and I don't want you to get more of it."</p>
<p>Joshua's words make Soonyoung's eyes finally up to eye level again, "what's with the cigarette though... but okay then, I'll get my stuff now. Thank you for being understanding, <em>hyung</em>."</p>
<p>After he gets all of his stuff from the pantry, he bids goodbye to every crew and manages to force a little smile on his face before stepping out of the coffee bar for the subway station. Yet again, his mind is filled with a lot of stuff he wishes he had none of it right now. Stuff like the guilt and regret, Seokmin's face when he said his goodbye, and the worst, how bad he actually needs a pair of arms around him right now. It has been a hard day for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>⏤ ✣ ⏤</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It is Thursday and he doesn't have any shift for today, luckily. If it wasn't because of Joy bombarding his KakaoTalk to drag him to the club he would be on his bed, wrapped inside his blanket, pitying and blaming himself even more. Though he thinks it's better this way; lose himself to the alcohol and the music and probably take someone home for the night. Besides, he hasn't worn that tight and seductive leather pants ever since he bought it for himself. Everything goes just as how he pictured. The loud music wakes his inner dancer up and it looks like he won't stop dancing for the rest of the night thanks to the alcohol in his body. He even lost control of how many shots he has taken, 10 shots, 50 shots, who cares anyway? <em>I'm gonna enjoy this before someone restricts me again</em>.</p>
<p>In his hazy state of mind, Joy keeps pulling him around to meet her friends and he gotta be honest, none of them are turn-offs. Soonyoung never thought that he would find someone who he just met five minutes ago very attractive until the point he can feel his pants getting tight, and the worst part is that it seems the other guy feels the same way. The other guy has just said his name but Soonyoung is so occupied to his red plump lips.</p>
<p>The next morning, he finds himself inside his own blanket, not a single cloth covering his bare skin.</p>
<p>He stirs awake and the headache starts to attack him. It seems like all that vodka really took his mind away because when he checked his phone ⏤ battery critically low, though ⏤ his heart burst.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Seokmin ∙ 02.46 AM<br/>What?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Seokmin ∙ 02.46 AM<br/>Hyung, have you been drinking?<br/></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Seokmin ∙ 03.11 AM<br/>Hyung, stay safe.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Seokmin ∙ 03.12 AM<br/>I'm going to your apartment tomorrow at 10.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He quickly unlocks his phone but before he even got the chance to tell Seokmin that he doesn't have to visit him ⏤ especially not like this ⏤ his phone decides to be an asshole and shuts down. Now all he can do is to wait for the doorbell ringing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The walls of his apartment and the furniture in it become the sole witness of his frantic steps from his effort to at least untangle himself up. In the bathroom, he probably spends ten minutes; five of them staring at his unshaven, dull face, and another five for all the efforts on covering the dark circle and shaving. Not a single thing inside Soonyoung will let Seokmin see how messed up he is after the break-up. Besides, it was Soonyoung who bid Seokmin his own goodbye. After he stepped out of the shower, he has a little conflict with himself; whether he should make something to eat first or change his clothes, then he finds that it is better for Seokmin to see him cooking rather than looking so concerning. He's actually still deciding what to wear since he neglects the laundry for almost a week already, and he's left with his pajamas and the leather jacket Seokmin bought him for his birthday before they broke up. And as if the time hates him, he hears the bell rings and three knocks on the door.</p><p>At that exact time, Soonyoung is just like a deer caught in the headlights. He stands in front of his closet frozen, contemplating whether should he or should he not reply. Then he hears him.</p><p>"Soonyoung? Open the door, please," says Seokmin behind the door.</p><p>His brain suddenly gives him a thought that if Soonyoung doesn't reply, Seokmin would either call the security to force open his apartment door or even Seokmin himself would kick the door off of their hinges, "I'm coming," his voice cracks and it sounds so obvious that he used his vocal cords violently last night. With shaky fingers from the adrenaline, he just puts on whatever he sees in front of his eyes, including the leather biker jacket from Seokmin. Also not forgetting the beanie, he hates it so much when he gets that cowlick hair.</p><p>Just before he touches the door handle, he freezes again. Is he ready to see him? What will he say to him? What will he do in his apartment? How long will he stay in his apartment? Then all of a sudden, all of those thoughts come in like a tsunami in his head. But what can he do now? Everything has happened, and the only step he has to take is to be strong for an indefinite chunk of the day and face it like a man. He finally unlocks the door and turns the knob. The moment where there is not a single boundary between them, their eyes meet each other and stays like that for a few seconds.</p><p>"Seokmin... hi..." in just a split second, he has to gasp for air.</p><p>"Soonyoung hyung... uhm, I bought you some breakfast," Soonyoung can feel the tears piling up from the back of his eyes. He never expected Seokmin would bring him a whole set of his favorite breakfast ⏤ Egg McMuffin with cheese and ham, hashbrown, and his all-time favorite chocolate milk. Even when things are not right, Seokmin still puts his affection into every little action he does.</p><p>Without him realizing it, Soonyoung opens the door wider and gesturing for Seokmin to come in. The second he realizes it, he feels his cheeks hot and difficulty of breathing, "how long will you stay?" His voice is small, but since the apartment is quiet, Seokmin definitely hears that.</p><p>"As long as you allow me to. Are you going somewhere? ...probably meeting someone?" There is a bit of fear in Seokmin's voice as he locks his fearful eyes on Soonyoung's figure.</p><p>Of course Soonyoung senses that. They have spent roughly two years together and Seokmin is the kind of person who shows big differences when his mood shifts. Soonyoung breathes in a short amount of breath and looks down at his outfit, "no, I was just... trying to find another characteristic of my outfit," <em>that's a lie. I didn't want you to see how messed up I am right now.</em></p><p>Somewhat for some reason, it's like Soonyoung sees something on Seokmin relaxes, probably his chest finally lets out that air he has been keeping in his lungs. Seokmin shifts his sight to the floor and nibbles on his own lips, "I see you wear that leather jacket that I gave you."</p><p>Now that he is caught, "yeah, I'm kinda into that 90s look these days, and this piece really adds up that 90s vibe," says he. Even when his mind is a whirlwind of thoughts he still has the ability to stir up reality to make excuses and masks his true motive ⏤ not in a psycho way.</p><p>Seokmin sports up a little but bright smile. It is the first time for some days Soonyoung finally sees that smile ⏤ the one that he always needs the most when things are a big bunch of mess, "but it's summer today, you won't last a second out there wearing that," he then eyes Soonyoung from his shoes to his jacket, then he finally matches his eyes, "hyung can I ask something from you? You have the option not to answer if you don't want to."</p><p>All of a sudden, this annoying tensed up atmosphere fills the room instantly, "yeah... yeah, sure. What do you want to ask me?" Soonyoung makes sure he sits down to rest his knee so it won't be too obvious in case they turn into useless jellies.</p><p>Before Seokmin even got the chance to say what he wanted to know, his phone rings. He excuses himself at Soonyoung and walks out of the apartment, shutting the door tight before he takes the call. Unconsciously, something inside Soonyoung wants to know who is the caller. A very unusual portrait of him since when they were still lovers Soonyoung swore he won't interrupt to Seokmin's personal life. He tip-toed to the door and presses his back on it, this position alone gives enough access for him to eavesdrop. When the word "sweetie" rolls out of Seokmin's tongue, another harsh train of thoughts start to fill in Soonyoung's head. <em>Who could it be? Does he have his own replacement? Did he adopt a child? </em>He hurriedly positions himself as if he's trying to take his shoes off when he hears silence.</p><p>"Soonyoung? I think I have to go now. Don't forget to eat the meal I got you, okay? We'll meet again, hyung. Take care," he shoots a warm little smile to Soonyoung before vanishes from behind the door. Regret steps in and replaces the train of thoughts. He sits still by the door and he suddenly feels a hint of vomit from the back of his throat even though he hasn't even had anything since yesterday afternoon. Without him realizing, hot tears starting to fall down his eyes. On his previous breakups, he had never hit rock bottom like this ever, not even during high school when everything was so hard to face yet he was still so strong back then. But this one, right now, the thing he has with Seokmin got him shaken down to his core.</p><p>If he weren't such a prideful person he would have phoned Seokmin right way and say his apologies, he wouldn't care if it would sound so desperate, at least it could do something good to him. As disgusting and hilarious as it may sound, he falls asleep right on his bathroom floor.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know the character being a barista sounds so cliché but I kinda like to match it with my experience so there ya go hh.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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